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Dream, Determine, Develop

Tag: autobiography

  • Believe what you say

    Believe what you say

    Is it necessary that we believe what we say?

    I sometimes wonder why people say something and believe something else. I really wonder whether they understand the contradiction between their believing and what they’re doing. Do they understand that it makes it to some certain extent hypocritical? Let me give you an example.

    Image: generated by Microsoft Copilot

    Today I was playing a game. Like any other usual day, my mother called me. It’s not that she has so many things to say to me but to have a normal conversation. She simply asks regarding my day, how’s it going and how’s the weather etc etc. That is what our daily conversation about. Nothing more than that, nothing less than that. And we have nothing much more to say. It is simply because my mother doesn’t like to talk about her business. And I also stopped trying to go beyond that. It is simply because to keep peace.

    Who is Lord Shani?
    Lord Shani is the Hindu deity who personifies the planet Saturn and represents karma, justice, discipline, and time.
    He is one of the Navagraha (nine celestial forces) and is known for delivering the exact results of one’s actions — fairly, slowly, and without bias.

    However, coming from a Hindu Faith, we normally worship God in different forms or in different nature. Lord Shani is one of them. So, after having our usual conversation, she was saying that today we have Shani Puja at our village home. So, she said that Lord Shani is the deity of our Karma. When Lord Shani gives the results of our karmic things for good deeds, he blesses with good blessings.

    I said, we have Shani in our house, and still need to worship Lord Shani. I didn’t say it in a sense of mockery but in a normal tone. I didn’t even say anything harsh. Just a simple fact. But my mother said, “what did you just say?” I understood that my mother took it personally and that’s why I sometimes avoid conversation with her. I just don’t want to be it in trouble. So I just said, ‘nothing.’ She said, ‘we have shani in our house and ….’ and I said, ‘ we still have to worship Lord Shani.’

    As usual my mother she took it personally, instead of understanding the context, or instead of taking it playfully. She becomes offended so easily and then tries to manipulate me. So, she said, ‘just because I am fed by your bread, now what I have to here. Now I am the Shani in the house.’  It becomes utterly ironic when people don’t believe what they say. In her saying, Lord Shani is the Karmic Lord, and if i did a good thing, I would be rewarded with the good blessings. Instead I was offered mockery instead.

    I could ask my mother, ‘do you believe in what you say?’ I had these conversations with her quite a times but I just found out it doesn’t really help to self reflect. She barely self reflect what she believes. However, an interesting fact here is that my mother is very much governed by Lord Shani. So, technically when I said, we have Shani in our house and still we have to worship Lord Shani.’ I was not wrong. My mother poses the qualities given by the Lord Shani. So, she could take it as a compliment, yet she didn’t. Instead, she took it as mockery and it hit her pride. And that quality just makes me wonder why people don’t act to what they believe.

    I think it is necessary that people believe in what they say and what they do. If the belief doesn’t align with Karma, there’s not point in believing. Believing is a powerful tool to awake inner self, but not to self sabotage. So, believe in what you say. Or else it doesn’t make sense.

    For further information regarding Lord Shani :

    Shani (Saturn): The Great Teacher of Discipline and Karma — Sanathana Dharma

    Shani (शनि) · Graha · LagnaGuru Library of Gods

  • Finding a epic music Lover in a church

    What’s the weirdest coincidence you’ve ever experienced?

    Hi everyone,

    I hope you are doing well. I’m also doing well. Today I’m going to talk about the weirdest coincidence I have ever experienced. Let’s deep dive into it.

    So the weirdest coincidence I have ever experienced is finding a guy who loves epic music like me in a church.

    I live in Germany for around six years and I meet different types of people. Sometimes they offer me to go to a church too. And one of the churches I used to go is Ecclesia in Göttingen. And honestly speaking, I used to love it. I felt like I found a community to meet once a month. It used to take place every 2nd Saturday of a month. They offered good food and their stories about how they’re enlightened by Jesus Christ. I used to love it.

    So, first, they started their program with an introduction to each other, where everyone can relate to each other with similar interests. Then, they started their programs with friendly speaking with each other and then they offered dinner to everyone. The food was really great and I loved it. They also keep vegetarian dishes for the ones who doesn’t eat meat. And then they used to talk about how they were enlightened by Jesus Christ and how it impacted their life.

    So during the introductions, we were talking about different subjects. I was asking that day if there were anyone who likes epic music or background music like me. And I found a Catholic Guy, who doesn’t like other musics but only Epic music. And I was quite thrilled to find a guy who likes Epic music like me. It was also weird for me. Because I never expected anyone so weird like me who likes to listen epic or background music like me. But I felt good too, because I found someone with a similar taste too.

    When I was talking to him, he said, he was brought up in a Catholic culture and never heard music anything other than just epic music. Although it was mostly musics which are produced in church but still it was a good match to find someone with similar interest. I must say, I had a good conversation with that guy.

    It was really fun. I liked going there every month. Here one of the weird thing was that even though I come from a Hindu family, they were very open to me and never said, anything bad about my culture. They were really open minded people. Another weird factor I found going there was that I could relate to people who are mostly aged. Their experience was far more than mine, yet I could relate to them. It was a good deal to go there to be honest.

    Thank you for reading my post. I hope you liked it. Feel free to subscribe, if you like my stories.

    Have a good day!!

  • The dividing of Indian subcontinent during the 1947

    If you could go back and witness any historical event, which one would you pick?

    Hi Everyone,

    I hope you are doing well. I’m also doing fine, thank you. Today I’m going to talk about if I could go back and witness any hips wrinkle event, which one I would pick. Let’s deep dive into it.

    The historical event that I would want to witness is the dividing of the Indian subcontinent in the 1947. 1947 has played a huge role in shaping the countries of the Indian subcontinent, which are known as nowadays India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. Still the day it makes me wonder what’s wrong in between these countries. Ever since the dividation of Indian subcontinent, it is in state of restlessness, not just in people’s life but also in the political spheres of these countries. Still the day people couldn’t come out of the horror of the dividing of the countries.

    It didn’t just end in a suffering for the people residing here but has become a trauma going on for generations after generations. Besides, Indian subcontinent is the only place where countries are divided on the basis of religion. Since then it hasn’t come out of the religious stigma that has created since the birth of these countries. Even if you look at Bangladesh, which was separated from Pakistan in 1971, was founded on the basis of rights for every religion, creed and caste, the religious spehere still dominates the country. I was really wonder why and how.

    Now some people blame the British empire, some people blame the Nehru and Gandhi, or some people blame Muslims for expecting a country for themselves and some people blame Hinds for expecting a Hindu nation. However, I don’t want to blame anyone for this, but inspect what necessities and criterias that led to dividing the country by the name of religion. This political restlessness has caused casualties around 1 million in India and Pakistan and further escalated into a full fledged war between the Pre-East Pakistan and West Pakistan along with India and then gave birth to Bangladesh.

    So, now you know why I would like to go in the past in 1947 to investigate why these countries are politically unrest and observe the situation in 1947 with my own eyes. The consequences of 1947 has led me into an identity deconstructed position, where neither of my previous generations could have a singular identity. For instance, my grandfather is from the generation of Indian, from an undivided Indian subcontinent and then later became Pakistani and then became Bangladeshi. Same goes for my father, my father was born a East Pakistani and then became Bangladeshi. Interestingly, none of them changed their locations, but the locations has automatically changed. However, in my case, it is a bit different. I was born a Bangladeshi, but here I am living in Germany and trying to reconstruct my identity. It’s not that I am willing to , but I had to go through the struggle of identity, constantly shaping and reshaping my identity.

    Now you might ask, why do you think so? Bangladesh hasn’t been politically born as a religious country. Then why? The answer lies in the 2021, Durga puja attack on minority. It has shattered my sense of identity. I started exploring what’s just wrong with the people. And since then, I have been exploring these issues and therefore, I want to revisit the time of 1947 and dividing of the Indian subcontinent. I wish, I could be the eye – witness of it and could change my fate.

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    Have a nice day.

  • The day my father died

    (11.01.2011)

    If you could relive one day from your past, which day would it be and why?

    Hi everyone, good evening from Germany. I hope you are doing well. I am also fine. Today I’m going to write about a day I could relieve from my past and which day and why that day it would be. Let’s deep dive into it.

    I think it’s the day my father died. The day was really heartbreaking for me and it just shattered my whole world. I still remember the day so vividly that I can’t forget it. It was really heartbreaking for me.

    It was 11 January, 2011. In the morning at around 7 or 8 Am, my father asked me to wake up and if had a tuition to attend. I was a college student and I used to go to my College teacher to study Mathematics in the morning. That day I had a really strong ear ache. It was pretty common during the winter times that I had ear ache. Because my tonsils used to swollen up and it used to ache a lot. I gently told my father that I didn’t want to go to my tutor because I have strong ear ache.

    My father left for his school. He was a math teacher in a high school in other side of the river. That’s called Shaoraid Ucchobiddaloy. And we used to live in Palash Bazar. It was a small town with around 2 thousand people. Even though it was a small town, it was beautiful. I have so many memories there. However, that day, when my father left, I woke up. I had my breakfast and then went outside. I went to the riverside, as it was sunny. Even though it was winter time and foggy, there was beauty in the mixture of foggy morning with the Sun shining.

    There was a place built for hydroelectric power station near the riverside. From that side, the power station used to pump water from the deep river with some large pipes. On top of it, there was a bridge like thing to observe the whole place. It was one of my favorite places to roam around. That morning I was doing the same with some of my friends.

    It was around 10 Am. I was gossiping with my friends. Suddenly I saw a troller (a oil engined boat) coming from Shaoraid to Palash. A man was lying on the boat, I could not recognize it was my father. When the boat reached the ghat (when the boats gather), there was a crowd trying to take the man to the nearby clinic. After 30 minutes, someone informed me that my father is hospitalized to a nearby clinic. I rushed there and the doctor declared him dead.

    I couldn’t but resist my tears. I felt so heartbroken. Few minutes later, my mother came rushing and crying. It was so loud that it felt like the whole place could hear her screaming. Within minutes, the whole place became so crowded because almost everyone knew my father and my family. As I have mentioned, it was a small town. Hours later, my father was discharged. We used the same boat to go to Shaoraid and from there we used a Tomtom (a oil engined ride like old time CNGs). It was full with people but I was still crying. I didn’t know how to stop it. I just couldn’t.

    Although my relationship with my father wasn’t great, I knew I used to love and care for this man. Day by day, the relationship between us may have gotten bitter but I wasn’t expecting his death. What I was just expecting, was to escape my home. And here I am living abroad for the last 6 years.

    However, we reached our village home at around 2 or 3pm. Everyone knew about my father’s death. Because the village home we live in was not far from the place my father used to teach. Literally everyone knew my father. And it was full of crowd. My maternal family was also informed. I wasn’t a huge fan of crowd. So, I was standing near a straw bundle.

    I couldn’t just think about what just happened. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wasn’t ready for it at all. I came from a lower middle class family. I had to through a huge economic crisis due to my father’s death. Besides, I also had a strong Oedipus complex due to my father’s early death. I couldn’t mimic his characteristics enough to build my own character out of it. Then later that day, my maternal 0uncles arrived in the evening. And the burial rituals started.

    Even though I came from a Hindu culture,  the dead bodies aren’t burned but burried like a monk statue. So, the culture is a bit different from the mainstream. So, my father was first bathed and then given a monk’s clothes. In his eyes, two Tulsi leaves were put. My father wasn’t burried near any other family members of our family but separately. He was burried near our house. Normally the other family members was burried near our old house.   When he was burried, everyone chanted Mantras. He was sitted like a Monk and then burried.

    That night we didn’t sleep in a bed because it is said that when a person dies, his family members don’t remain pure. Therefore, it is suggested to avoid the materialistic things.

    Writing of my father’s death, I didn’t understand the depth of what I have missed that day. I was not aware of what consequences I would go through. I was just seventeen years old. I barely had any idea how a lower middle class family survives with the only earning family member left behind.

    Then I realized the true nature of the world. I couldn’t study well for the next three months and I had HSC exams in April. I just lost the motivation of studying. My grades were pretty poor. It was A minus with 3.5 Grade. I just passed. I couldn’t manage money to study in a good university. My family started struggling financially and mentally. My mother was not educated enough to take my father’s job. So, it was a complete mess.

    Besides,  deep inside I know I still miss my father. The worst part is that I could never say goodbye to my father. I wish I could. That’s why I wish I could remove that day. It just shattered my world.

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    Have a nice day.